


What Should I Do

by garicdarran



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Cuddling, Fake Character Death, Fluff and Angst, I Swear It Ends Well, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21937021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garicdarran/pseuds/garicdarran
Summary: "I'll scream and shout, it can't be true,if I wake up and you're gone,what should I do?"Poe Dameron was known as the best pilot the Resistance had in years. With an seemingly endless amount of successful missions, everyone thought he was invincible. Even Commander Dameron himself thought that. At his funeral, no one could really comprehend that he was gone. Two years later, Finn still doesn't believe it.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	1. Flashback

**Author's Note:**

  * For [writerindisguise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerindisguise/gifts).



> Title from Jaymes Young's song "What Should I Do"
> 
> Events are basically happening after The Last Jedi, when the Resistance has a base on Ajan Kloss and are doing missions. It's not really that important, so it could happen anywhere during the timeline when the Resistance has a steady base and keep small missions going.

“Be careful out there,” Finn tells him as Poe smiles at him, holding his shoulders.

“I always am.”

“A month ago you almost crashed with a TIE fighter.”

Poe laughed at that and pulled Finn close for a hug. Finn squeezes him tight, as he always does. Poe is good, the best actually, but that doesn’t change the fact that being an X-wing pilot is dangerous. 

“I promise I’ll come back. I’ve got something I want to talk to you about, I have to come back,” Poe whispered to him and let go. Finn gave him a nod, knowing he still looked unsure and scared. He waved at Poe as he ran to his ship, getting ready for lift-off.

Finn watched Poe and the rest of Black Squadron leave before jogging off to the command centre, where he is supposed to oversee the mission. The mission was nothing out of the regular, just a check-up on a planet with suspected First Order activity. They’d probably arrive at the location, blast some First Order ships and equipment and return back to the base. Finn really had no reason to worry, but he would feel a lot better if he was there with them. Unfortunately for him though, this mission didn’t require anything more than some X-wings and Finn knew that there were better pilots than him who could do the job.

When Black Squadron reached their destination, the situation seemed normal. The pilots saw nothing out of the ordinary and reported it’d be a short day of shooting today. Finn felt relieved and told the team to keep out of any added trouble. As Finn said that, the Squadron’s voice channel went wild. They were ambushed.

The Squadron saw many, way too many, TIE-fighters. They would have no chance of succeeding to fight them off. So they tried to escape. 

Finn had to fight to keep quiet, knowing it would disrupt them. Finn wanted to tell them, tell Poe, to be careful and just try to get home. All he could do was listen to the panicked shouts of his friends. As he was supposed to see over the mission, he couldn’t even run away.

“Commander Finn, we found a chance to escape!” Wexley screamed on the channel. Finn replied with a quick approval and listened to the Squadron shout out warnings and orders at each other. As he listened, he understood that of course, Poe was making sure everyone else got away before securing his own escape. Poe had to, being a commanding officer alongside Wexley. Everyone knows Poe would’ve done it even if he wasn’t one. Poe would sacrifice himself for the others if he had to and Finn hated that, even if he felt selfish about it.

Poe’s x-wing takes a hit from one of the TIE-fighters. Poe tells everyone it’s okay, no big deal. But when he starts talking, it’s clear that Poe knows how hopeless the situation actually is.

“Finn, buddy, listen. I know I promised to be careful- hey, no goodbyes! This isn’t the end! I promised to come back, didn’t I? Listen, you’ve been my-”

Every second of Poe not being safe, Finn hated. Poe thought he was immortal and so did everyone else. Finn did not. He knows Poe is human, flesh and bone like Finn. But when Poe’s x-wing takes another hit and he stops replying, everyone else suddenly seems to remember that too. The line goes silent, with only some screams coming from some of the Squadron’s members.

Finn feels his arms and legs go completely cold and numb. Time slows down and he can’t hear how someone calls for Leia to come in, how the Squadron argues on whether he could have made it or not. He feels his heartbeat go up, his breathing becoming harder and his vision blurring. Someone catches him as he falls to the floor and his eyes fill up with tears.


	2. The Fog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looool sorry for not updating i'm just lazy and stressed about school

The fog he would wander in was thick and unforgiving. Sometimes it was impossible to know whether he’d stood in place for hours or days. Everything he’d be able to hear seemed to be forgotten merely seconds later. Whatever he himself did, also slipped from his mind every now and then. Doing repairs, sending reports, taking supplies to the hangar. He kept checking again and again whether he’d actually done the tasks.

Rey would check on him from time to time, ask him if he’d remembered to have something to eat, if he’d slept alright. She’d accept his assurances, his promises about getting a meal or taking a nap as soon as possible. She knew they were as empty as his eyes were, but there wasn’t a lot she could do about it. She understood that working kept Finn sane in this situation, even if it meant he was running from the truth. And the boy had been running for a few years now.

Finn never accepted Poe’s death. He didn’t think Poe could be alive, but he couldn’t accept the alternative either. When it came down to it, Finn just didn’t want to think about it. He’d been offered a shoulder to cry on, but Finn didn’t want it. Didn’t think Poe would want it. He’d been offered a break, but he didn’t want to give himself the time and space to let his thoughts wander. He knew that talking about it would help. That’s what Rey kept hinting at, without pushing him too much.

Finn remembers one occasion better than the other ones. Finn had been awake for way too long and his hands were shaking. He was working on some blasters, giving them a check so they’d be ready for the next mission. Rey sat next to him, observing his work. Finn knew what she was going to tell him, but didn’t want to initiate the conversation. 

Rey didn’t speak, instead, she took his hands in hers, making him put blaster down. Finn looked up at her, feeling his emotions roam free for the first time after Poe’s death. Finn felt his eyes beginning to water and knew that talking wouldn’t be an option at this point. Besides, this was the closest to talking about the incident that he’d been able to let himself. 

“Finn… You need to give your broken heart time to heal.”

Finn had felt tears finally fall down his cheeks before he’d gotten up and walked away. He needed to get some air, needed his chest to stop feeling so constricted. At that moment he felt alive for the first time in a while, but it was nothing like what alive used to feel like. After feeling numb ever since Poe’s disappearance, he felt immeasurable pain flooding to his heart from what felt like every possible direction. Finn knew that feeling is part of being human, but feeling nothing was so much better than this. So, that was the last time he let anyone try to get him to talk about how he felt about everything.

And as Finn spent a good few years stopping himself from feeling anything, he almost started to forget what feeling something felt like. The numbness had been his everyday for a long time now and it felt impossible to consider other options. Finn just shut off everything and fought for what Poe had believed in, what he’d fought for too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i wish i would've edited the text a bit but oh well let it be messy i guess


	3. Feel Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YIKES THIS IS SO QUICK AND BAD but i'm on a roll and won't remember to post these if i don't post them now

Finn probably should have listened to everyone when they told him it’s okay if he stays at the base for this mission. It wasn’t anything big, just a little something to fight off some First Order soldiers from a peaceful planet. But the reason Finn was encouraged to stay back was something bigger. The planet was the same place where Poe disappeared a few years ago.

Finn knew it might bring his walls down a bit, to visit the place where a series of lifechanging events happened a few years ago. But Finn told himself that he’d be fine, it’d be like every other mission.

It was like every other mission, except for when he got shot. Luckily, it was on his leg and not on his chest, but that stopped him from being able to stand up properly. In the heat of the moment, he’d dropped his blaster and only had a knife, which was quite unfortunate, as he wasn’t really trained in fighting with one. His blaster wasn’t too far away, but far enough for him not to be able to get to it before a stormtrooper would shoot his brains out. The adrenaline in his veins kept the pain from taking over his last moments. Or what he thought were to be his last moments. 

The stormtrooper in front of him suffered the same fate as Finn himself, except for the fact that Finn got shot in the leg and the stormtrooper fell down with a hole in its helmet. In the hole, Finn saw an arrow. He looked around to see anyone with a bow of some kind and saw a figure in a cloak on his right. Their face was covered with a hood and Finn couldn’t see anything that would reveal their identity.

And as Finn stared at his saviour for what felt like hours, in reality only seconds passed. During that short moment, a stormtrooper managed to hit at the mysterious figure with a baton, similar to the kind Finn had learned to use back at the First Order. Finn dragged himself in the mud, reaching for his blaster and firing at the stormtrooper. His leg started to hurt at this point, but he dragged himself towards the now dead stormtrooper and his saviour on the ground, faced the other way.

As Finn reached the figure and turned them around to see if they were still alive, his world stopped. He couldn’t hear anything, he couldn’t see anything else, he didn’t feel anything.

And then he felt everything at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooo bet no one can guess what happened

**Author's Note:**

> i know it's sad but please keep on reading to the next chapter thank u i swear it'll be better<3


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